Little black book.

Okay, it's medium-sized. And, it's a actually a binder.

Physical descriptions and technicalities aside, this book contains many memories and representations of my childhood.



My mom gave this to me on my 21st birthday a few years ago. She printed pages upon pages of documents that I had created from the ages of 5 to 12. I re-discovered this as I have been packing up my stuff, getting ready to move.

As I flipped through the pages of this book, I remembered all the countless times I would sit down at our beast of a computer and type my little heart out. I remembered being inspired by all sorts of things. Some things I wrote were, surprisingly, not bad for a kid. But, some of them were definitely kid writings. Let's have a look, shall we?


This one was titled "The Burger of Burgers", subtitled "A burger is a burger is a burger". Really must have wanted to drive a point home there, with the title.




This might reveal some things I was dealing with at the time I wrote it. I'm guessing my age was anywhere between 8 and 10.






I tried my hand at creating a faux menu and menu items. Who wouldn't want to eat at my place??? That's right. Nobody.




Better keep your nose in those books, kids. I'm keeping tabs on you, and you're getting graded.



I wrote songs to Jesus.




This is, by far, my favorite thing in the whole binder. "The House on Maple Street", subtitled "...it was the perfect liftoff".

It was a bit of a science fiction/futuristic tale. I just now decided that I need to actually share some of this text (to maintain the integrity of the text, no grammatical corrections have been made...ON PURPOSE):

"After having an ice cream and a glass of java Zach felt sick and had to be flown to a hospital. It was June 11th when Zach died of being exposed to c5H2 resin, it was Helen's birthday. The hardest thing for a doctor to ever tell a mother is that their son is dead, especially on their own birthday. To make it even harder is with a cause of death made by chemical poison that could have been avoided, avoided if he had paid attention and watched his father's instructions as the Bible commands. As a memory of Zach the forever standing home was made into a memorial place for young people who died by accidents in the home or workplace. And that wraps up our mystery, why would Harris Burrdick draw such bizarre pictures of flying nuns and harps in the woods other than to try to escape the agony of Zach, his grandson's death. If you can tell by his pictures this strange little man a time traveling grandfather, who drew of fantasy, future events, and odd things of the present."

Written around age 10.



You're welcome, world.

This. Is. Real. Life.

I want to tell you the story of something that happened to me today.

Here's a little history, to preface it all:

1) I'm an insurance agent.
2) I work for an independent broker, which means we represent many different companies.
3) There's a buttload of stuff to know about each company we carry.

While I was at work today, I found out that we're going to start writing with a new company. Our agency owner scheduled a time for the new company's rep to come in and chat with us about their company and their products and yada, yada, yada.

So, while the rep was in our office, he recommended that he have a one-on-one teaching session with both my co-worker and I, to show us how "user friendly" their website is. He asked if he could use my computer to demonstrate, and I obliged. When he sat down at my desk, he saw my desktop background photo of my best friend, Lisa, and I.


Here's the picture he saw. Adorable, right? BFFs 4 lyfe.



He commented on the photo to me by saying, "Aww, are those your daughters?"


PAUSE.

"What the what?!?!" That was my inner dialogue.


I responded with an awkward, "Um, no. That's actually my best friend and I."


Any other person, at this point, would probably realize that they've really made a dunce of themself and abort the conversation.


I was surprised to hear him carry on with, "Oh, I see. Well, you've aged very well."


My response? "I'm only 24."

I wanted to add, "And that picture was only taken 6 months ago", but I'm not one to play the shame card.


So, apparently, I look a lot older than I already am. And I can now say that I've officially been confused for my own unborn daughter.


I felt like someone scripted that moment, and I was being filmed for some new NBC comedy series. Alas, it is real, true life.


In other news, you should watch this treat:

Desi's "Elf Yourself", 2010


Merry Christmas from Desi, Oprah, Bob Saget, Dolly Parton, and Stephen Hawking.

Pause.

I want to offer an explanation for what might appear to be a brief pause in my bloggingnessmentship.

I've got a mega mass humungo ginormous test to study for, which I will be taking THIS COMING SATURDAY. This test will determine if I am fit to be licensed as a K-8 grade educator in the state of Oregon, so...it's kind of a big deal.



There have been attempts made to come up with some blog material in the last few days, but all I can think about is how full I am from eating Thanksgiving food, and then I just slip into a food coma.

I didn't do Black Friday shopping (am I supposed to capitalize that, like it's a nationally recognized day?)...so I have nothing to share in that respect either. Most of my days of late have been spent studying and wearing a microplush Snuggie, stuffing myself to the gills with turkey and the like.


So, now that I've stated that there's obviously nothing interesting going on, and I'm probably going to be too mentally occupied to e-catalogue my life/interests/etc., I say this to you: I'll be back.


Soon and very soon.

Cuppa Cuppa Cuppa.

Today's inspiration comes from this movie:



Of course, if you're anyone who has ever lived, you've at least heard of Steel Magnolias (I, embarrassingly, had not actually watched this movie until about two or three months ago). Naturally, I loved the film. The flick features a full spectrum of good things, such as: sassy Southern women, love, loss, best friends, and big hair.

In addition to the quotable laugh lines and predictable, yet, heartfelt storyline, Steel Magnolias offers a few baking recipies and tips that leave one curious to exlpore. With my only other option being to make a red velvet armadillo cake, I opted to make what is referred to at the beginning of the movie by Dolly Parton's character as "Cuppa Cuppa Cuppa". The logic behind the name of this recipe cuts straight to the chase; the only ingredients that are called for in this mixture are 1 cup flour, 1 cup sugar, and 1 cup fruit cocktail. CUPPA. CUPPA. CUPPA.



Once the ingredients are mixed together, the mixture is then spread into a non-stick cooking spray prepped 9x9 baking dish.



The baking dish is then placed in a 350 degree oven for about 35 - 40 minutes, until the top is golden brown and bubbly.



The finished product doesn't look much different than the pre-baked product.



This is where the worry starts setting in.




For the sake of keeping things official (I mean, someone could stumble across this in a Google search, right?), I've decided to write a formal review for Cuppa Cuppa Cuppa:

"This famed dish is something that initially feels right in your heart, but leaves much to be desired in the taste department. If I could use three words to describe Cuppa Cuppa Cuppa (in flavor), they would be: gummy, flat, and puke. It wasn't quite a cake. It wasn't quite pudding. And then, there was just a lot of random fruit floating around in there. There was a salty or buttery element that was missing which, if added, would have helped the flavor and texture a great deal. The point of this recipe seems to be for the sake of time-saving and having something to hand out to your girlfriends on index cards at craft parties, but it goes nothing beyond that. Yes, it's easy and fast to make, but it tastes terrible. Final grade: F."


I'm trying not to let this feel like Dolly Parton has personally let me down, but it kind of feels that way right now. I think I'm going to need some inner healing from this experience.




Needless to say, the rest of the triple C got put in the special filing cabinet where I put my offers for cell phones and insurance quotes (aka, the garbage).

Good things.

Sometimes you just have to make a list of what you like. Here are some blurbs of my current favorites:


Favorite book

A Girl Named Zippy by Haven Kimmel.


Favorite drink

Earl grey, hot. For best results, tea is enjoyed in this mug.


Favorite song

Mumford & Sons, "The Cave" (pause music at bottom of page...this live performance is TOPS).


Favorite monthly publication

"Real Simple".


Favorite webcomic

www.toothpastefordinner.com


Favorite blog
www.eurosatemydollars.com


Favorite food

Nutella.


Favorite TV show

30 Rock.

Lip scarves.

Guess what?




I actually love mustaches.

Not just for an ironic/I'm white/I only like this for comedy thing; I truly like them. I like the way they look on men and I think it increases one's handsome factor.


From smaller, thinner mustaches...



...to thicker, fuller mustaches.



I find them so masculine and dapper.











Mustaches took their place in Hollywood fashion early.






There are also products on the market to help those who cannot grow mustaches (or want a temporary one).




Even pooches can sport lip scarves.





Please know that I understand that not all mustaches are a good thing.




But, those are very rare.

Memoirs.

Here's a little ditty from my childhood...

...I'm going to set up all the facts for you, so you may be better prepared as a reader and understand the context. You're welcome.


Fact #1 - We were dirt poor growing up.
Fact #2 - My Mom has always had a desire to be a rural pioneer woman.
Fact #3 - Our family car, for a majority of my childhood, was a teal Geo Metro (more detailed physical description given in following text).

STOP


This is the best look-alike I could find.


Fact #4 - Often, growing up, we frequented livestock auctions as a form of "family entertainment".
Fact #5 - One time, my Mom bought a cow at an above mentioned auction.

STOP


This is a baby cow, similar to the one who is going to be the leading character in this story.



Now that you have the facts, let me tell you how this all went down.

It was just another night at at the barn/amphitheater/auction house, and the bidding wars were getting heated.

"$100!"

"$250!"

"$500!"

Huge bids were flying and prized animals were being sold to downright serious farmers. Plaid. Jeans. Ginormous belt buckles and hats. It was quite the scene.

A small group of calves came out to be auctioned later in the evening. The calf we ended up buying could be likened to the smallest, weakest child who was picked last for a game of dodgeball in an elementary school playground.

I can't recall where the actual bidding began, but I can remember what price it ended on.

"$7!"

Mom's hand was the only one up; she got gutsy and just went for it. All the farmers stepped down from the bid. The little runt calf would be no use to them, plus they could see the sparkle in Mom's eye.

"Sold!"

So, my Mom compulsively bought a $7 baby cow at a livestock auction that day.


We certainly weren't in a place to be making such a purchase (as far as where we would actually store the calf). We lived in a cul-de-sac in a little suburb of Southern Oregon, and there was NO WAY that thing would fit in the Geo Metro.

False.

Quick sidebar: our Geo Metro came equipped with luxury seating. The front passenger side seat somehow got broke, and had to always be in the reclined position. The headrest on the driver's seat also bent back like a limp noodle.



Next steps...

...we pushed the calf over to Mom's side of the Geo in the backseat so it had some space, and my brother sat behind me, so he got squished by me in the front reclined passenger seat.

We knew that if we could just make it home and then figure out some kind of makeshift living area for the cow, we'd be in business. We, unfortunately, only made it into the driveway of our house when the calf had an episode of explosive diarrhea in the backseat with my poor, frantic brother.

The calf was dehydrated and nervous, so we had to buy it a cow-version of Gatorade to help the situation out.


From there, the story is all a blur in my mind. I know that we eventually found an actual farm location to keep the little guy at, and we eventually gave the cow to my Grandpa for Father's Day. Nothing says "Happy Father's Day" more than an unwanted barnyard animal.


That's a tale I love sharing with people. So many funny things happen when you're forced to be creative in your ways of having fun.

Thanks for buying the $7 cow, Mom. The story shall always be told in all it's glory.

Unexpected.

I owed my mom a mother/daughter lunch date, so we decided today was the day to redeem the coupon.

I kept asking her, "Where do you want to go?" and she would respond with a mysterious, "You'll see."

We drove out the old country roads past our house and reached a fork. Taking a left would lead us out on a winery tour, and taking a right would push us further into the middle of nowhere.

We took a right.


After about 9 miles of beautiful scenic fall countryside rolling along beside us, we arrived in the town of Umpqua, a bustling metropolis that has one (1) post office and one (1) restraunt, and that's about it.

I was hesitant at first, but as we approached the "Lighthouse Bakery and Cafe", I found something I didn't think I would...an unexpected surprise.


The inside of the building was very cozy, featuring soothing earth tones, large wooden sitting chairs, and a fireplace. The people that worked there looked like they didn't belong in that town, and I loved that. It felt unfamiliar and new.


We looked around for a bit, then ordered and waited for our food...

...we were number 23.


Mom got a grilled cheese with onions, mushrooms and tomatoes. I got a 3 cheese veggie burger.

It's a meatless joint.




What I didn't take a photo of is the crescent almond cookie I ate BEFORE I got my lunch, because I'M AN ADULT AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.


They also featured a colorful variety of fresh produce and bulk organic foods.





A fun time was had by all...


...until the sun gets in your eyes, then you have to re-position.

Whoops.

Looks like I forgot about blogging for 6 months.


Don't be too sad. I'll give you a quick re-cap:

(I apologize for the odd sizing and shuffling of photos)











Wordless Wednesday.

Don't worry, I won't make a habit of themes that use alliteration.

Pastimes.

About 2 years ago, I started collaborating with one of my good friends on what came to be known simply as the "love list". This list contained an itemized account of things that I get great pleasure out of, do often, or love the idea of.

I've still been catologing these things that make me happy.

I want to share something with you today that has been more of a recent discovery of something I really love doing, a new pastime, if you will:

Leaning over the counter when I eat, like an Italian



This (above) is the island in our kitchen.

I discovered that I really don't like sitting down when I am enjoying a meal. But, for added security, I've discovered a trick called "the lean", to ensure security in both my footing and also in the event that I slop my food. I've been engaging in the lean now for quite some time, and I always seem to end up leaning and eating at the island.

The Italians lean over the counter, primarily I hear, while they are eating pizza and doing "the fold". I can't think of a better eating model to follow after.

I secretly wish I was Italian.



I dare you to make your own love list. Take the time to write down the things you like doing. It's kind of fun to see what kind of person you are on paper.

Here's to a good week, friends. Cheers.

Origins.

I'd like to share a find from last weekend's thrift store escapades:

Firstly, to lay some ground work, I'd like to explain a collection I've started. I (not for fashion, per se, but for comedy and my own strange pleasure) have grown a liking for earrings of the animal variety. When I go to thrift stores or garage sales, my eye is on the proverbial hunt for any kind of animalia ear trash.

Just last Sunday, bless my lucky stars, I found a treasure trove. Let's have a look, shall we?

"Coastal Classics"


That's right. WHALE EARRINGS.

So, no matter how awesome you think that this post already is...just you wait. When I said I found a "treasure trove", I wasn't kidding.

I found my purchase at St. Vincent De Paul's, my favorite thrift store. I was pleased as punch to see these sitting in the middle of the jewelry cabinent, practically calling out to me in their grandeur. After purchasing, I put them in my purse. Later, I got them out, and was preparing to take them off the card they were attached to. Lo! I found a "note from the artist" typed in gold lettering on the back.

Please, listen and revel to the message written on here, which I have entitled Origins.

"From the finest clays of the earth comes the porcelain. From the vast array of colors in the minerals of the earth comes the pure mineral paint. From the sea and the shore comes the awesome subject matter. From the artists' hand comes the image painted this exact size. From the intense heat of the kiln comes the firing process that makes this fine art on porcelain last through the ages. May you enjoy owning this fine piece as much as Julie enjoyed painting it."



I think I shall enjoy this fine handcrafted jewelry as much, if not more, as Julie did when she created it.

Thank you, Julie. Thank you.

Weekend pastcast.

Is that the opposite of a forecast?

I am happy to report that my former city, Eugene, and I had a reunion...along with a good friend of mine, Shelby.

Saturday was the main event.

During a quick jaunt to a very American, over-crowded, one-stop shop center whose mascot is a price-slashing happy face, I found a great find on the shelves. This find was not of the merchandise variety, but it definitely made my day:

Abandoned shopping list!


"Surprise for Tonya". Written, in obviously different penmanship. Haha. Also, it makes me glad that there is a place in our nation where consumers can go to find their chicken gravy, computer ink, and Chex Mix all in one place.


Part duex of our Saturday combined the following elements:

Finger painting!




AND


Watching Free Willy!



I've got one thing to say to that: "Hold me, like the River Jordan."