Updates, jokes, and why I hate medium-sized silverware.

Honestly, who abandons their blog for 6 months at a time? Oh, yeah...this girl does. And this isn't my first time.

Shoot.



I told a friend of mine that I would post at least once within the month of May. I'm a day late, but here I am, ready to give a full account for my actions and maybe some other tidbits to hold your interest.


What's been going on:

So, I'm done with my first term of grad school, and well into my second term. I think last time we left off, I had just finished my orientation. I am learning alllllll about teaching methods, human development, multicultural education, literacy, and self-reflecting like nobody's business. I'm in a cohort of 10 other pre-service educators who are ready to shake up our schools with love, mercy, justice, and creativity.

My friend Todd and I commute up to class every week, and during the drive find it necessary to stay entertained either with exceptional musical mixes, good stories from our week, or...a new favorite pasttime, make up jokes. One of our jokes is very relevant to our current times and culture. Basically, it is a joke within a joke: you take an inside joke you have with someone and fit that within the context of a web address. For example, if you and your friend have a joke about one of you not knowing how to drive in snow, you might say "Please visit my website at www.sometimesihavesevereanxietyattackswhenidriveinthesnow.com". See...something that is already funny, is made instantly funnier!


- SEGWAY -

Pun!



Seeing as to how I have had to do so much self-analysis and reflection in the past 6 months, I have really taken inventory again of myself on a personal level. In doing so, I have realized something about myself that I would like to share with the world wide web: I hate medium-sized silverware.



"This one. This is the lamest of them all."

Usually, with most things I say "go big, or go home"...but there is something so sweet about little spoons and forks. Eating your pudding or salad with them is so fun sometimes...like you've been transported to Wonderland or something. I do love a hefty soup spoon too, or a giant serving fork to really dig into a steak with. But, honestly, salad forks? Tablespoons? Nobody needs to pay attention to these guys.

Don't look into this too deeply, like "Oh, this says something about your deeper inner-workings." Nope. I just have an opinion about silverware. So, there.



I'll be back soon. Maybe sooner than 6 months this time.

Birthmas, moving, and all things new.

The bridge from 2010 to 2011 has been a big one. A lot of good things and life changes have been happening for me, and I've just now found the time to grace you all with an update of what been happening from Christmas to now.

(sidebar: "Birthmas" is in reference to the celebratory time surrounding Christmas, December 25th, and my birthday, December 27th)


I'm a fan of the quick recap method, so let's breeze through this thing:

1) Christmas.

I, regrettably, didn't take any photos of the Christmas celebrations I was a participant in.

There are usually at least four (4) main parties I go to with my respective paternal and maternal sides of the family. The morning of the 24th, I spend with my dad and stepmom, and the evening is spent with the extended family. Then, the morning of the 25th is with mom and stepdad...with the extended family in the evening.

There were some great gifts this year: 2 Snuggies, several seasons of TV on DVD, a Haven Kimmel book I've been wanting, and a coffee maker and bean grinder were just a few of the highlights.


2) Birthday.

I usually decide a theme for my birthday in the month of September or October. This year, I wasted no time on deciding what I wanted to do. I'll let the photos speak for themselves.


















Yeah, the theme was mustaches and soul food. You might ask, "But, WHY???" My answer to you would be, "Why not?" Also, I'd say "For fun."


Another thing that went down was...

3) I moved.

Moved into a townhouse in Eugene with a girl I knew from college. So far, so good.

I made the transition up here on January 1, 2011. I figured it made sense to do a new thing on the newest day this calendar year. Ba-da-bing.

Also...

4) I began graduate school.

George Fox University accepted me into their Master of Arts in Teaching program a few months ago (hence, the moving) and I had my first session yesterday. My cohort leader is fabulous. I was surprised to have our first meeting be filled with beading turquiose and purple beads on hemp strands, and decorating the outide of our interactive journals (aka "chapbooks") with magazine cutouts and pipecleaner.

Our professor opened with the following disclaimer to prelude all the above mentioned activities: "I'm a non-traditional instructor. Some people don't like that, but that's the way it is. I'm pretty flexible with adjusting to wherever we need to be in our coursework, and I'm very hands-on and try to see things from a different perspective." Soon after, I muttered something along the lines of "This is my dream come true." She looked over at me, and smiled. We connected, and I knew that this was going to be the start of something great.


I'm so excited to be where I'm at right now. I can't shake the feeling of happiness and anticipation that is surrounding all that I'm a part of at the time.


Here's to a fun, big, happy, exciting, beautiful 2011.

Little black book.

Okay, it's medium-sized. And, it's a actually a binder.

Physical descriptions and technicalities aside, this book contains many memories and representations of my childhood.



My mom gave this to me on my 21st birthday a few years ago. She printed pages upon pages of documents that I had created from the ages of 5 to 12. I re-discovered this as I have been packing up my stuff, getting ready to move.

As I flipped through the pages of this book, I remembered all the countless times I would sit down at our beast of a computer and type my little heart out. I remembered being inspired by all sorts of things. Some things I wrote were, surprisingly, not bad for a kid. But, some of them were definitely kid writings. Let's have a look, shall we?


This one was titled "The Burger of Burgers", subtitled "A burger is a burger is a burger". Really must have wanted to drive a point home there, with the title.




This might reveal some things I was dealing with at the time I wrote it. I'm guessing my age was anywhere between 8 and 10.






I tried my hand at creating a faux menu and menu items. Who wouldn't want to eat at my place??? That's right. Nobody.




Better keep your nose in those books, kids. I'm keeping tabs on you, and you're getting graded.



I wrote songs to Jesus.




This is, by far, my favorite thing in the whole binder. "The House on Maple Street", subtitled "...it was the perfect liftoff".

It was a bit of a science fiction/futuristic tale. I just now decided that I need to actually share some of this text (to maintain the integrity of the text, no grammatical corrections have been made...ON PURPOSE):

"After having an ice cream and a glass of java Zach felt sick and had to be flown to a hospital. It was June 11th when Zach died of being exposed to c5H2 resin, it was Helen's birthday. The hardest thing for a doctor to ever tell a mother is that their son is dead, especially on their own birthday. To make it even harder is with a cause of death made by chemical poison that could have been avoided, avoided if he had paid attention and watched his father's instructions as the Bible commands. As a memory of Zach the forever standing home was made into a memorial place for young people who died by accidents in the home or workplace. And that wraps up our mystery, why would Harris Burrdick draw such bizarre pictures of flying nuns and harps in the woods other than to try to escape the agony of Zach, his grandson's death. If you can tell by his pictures this strange little man a time traveling grandfather, who drew of fantasy, future events, and odd things of the present."

Written around age 10.



You're welcome, world.

This. Is. Real. Life.

I want to tell you the story of something that happened to me today.

Here's a little history, to preface it all:

1) I'm an insurance agent.
2) I work for an independent broker, which means we represent many different companies.
3) There's a buttload of stuff to know about each company we carry.

While I was at work today, I found out that we're going to start writing with a new company. Our agency owner scheduled a time for the new company's rep to come in and chat with us about their company and their products and yada, yada, yada.

So, while the rep was in our office, he recommended that he have a one-on-one teaching session with both my co-worker and I, to show us how "user friendly" their website is. He asked if he could use my computer to demonstrate, and I obliged. When he sat down at my desk, he saw my desktop background photo of my best friend, Lisa, and I.


Here's the picture he saw. Adorable, right? BFFs 4 lyfe.



He commented on the photo to me by saying, "Aww, are those your daughters?"


PAUSE.

"What the what?!?!" That was my inner dialogue.


I responded with an awkward, "Um, no. That's actually my best friend and I."


Any other person, at this point, would probably realize that they've really made a dunce of themself and abort the conversation.


I was surprised to hear him carry on with, "Oh, I see. Well, you've aged very well."


My response? "I'm only 24."

I wanted to add, "And that picture was only taken 6 months ago", but I'm not one to play the shame card.


So, apparently, I look a lot older than I already am. And I can now say that I've officially been confused for my own unborn daughter.


I felt like someone scripted that moment, and I was being filmed for some new NBC comedy series. Alas, it is real, true life.


In other news, you should watch this treat:

Desi's "Elf Yourself", 2010


Merry Christmas from Desi, Oprah, Bob Saget, Dolly Parton, and Stephen Hawking.

Pause.

I want to offer an explanation for what might appear to be a brief pause in my bloggingnessmentship.

I've got a mega mass humungo ginormous test to study for, which I will be taking THIS COMING SATURDAY. This test will determine if I am fit to be licensed as a K-8 grade educator in the state of Oregon, so...it's kind of a big deal.



There have been attempts made to come up with some blog material in the last few days, but all I can think about is how full I am from eating Thanksgiving food, and then I just slip into a food coma.

I didn't do Black Friday shopping (am I supposed to capitalize that, like it's a nationally recognized day?)...so I have nothing to share in that respect either. Most of my days of late have been spent studying and wearing a microplush Snuggie, stuffing myself to the gills with turkey and the like.


So, now that I've stated that there's obviously nothing interesting going on, and I'm probably going to be too mentally occupied to e-catalogue my life/interests/etc., I say this to you: I'll be back.


Soon and very soon.

Cuppa Cuppa Cuppa.

Today's inspiration comes from this movie:



Of course, if you're anyone who has ever lived, you've at least heard of Steel Magnolias (I, embarrassingly, had not actually watched this movie until about two or three months ago). Naturally, I loved the film. The flick features a full spectrum of good things, such as: sassy Southern women, love, loss, best friends, and big hair.

In addition to the quotable laugh lines and predictable, yet, heartfelt storyline, Steel Magnolias offers a few baking recipies and tips that leave one curious to exlpore. With my only other option being to make a red velvet armadillo cake, I opted to make what is referred to at the beginning of the movie by Dolly Parton's character as "Cuppa Cuppa Cuppa". The logic behind the name of this recipe cuts straight to the chase; the only ingredients that are called for in this mixture are 1 cup flour, 1 cup sugar, and 1 cup fruit cocktail. CUPPA. CUPPA. CUPPA.



Once the ingredients are mixed together, the mixture is then spread into a non-stick cooking spray prepped 9x9 baking dish.



The baking dish is then placed in a 350 degree oven for about 35 - 40 minutes, until the top is golden brown and bubbly.



The finished product doesn't look much different than the pre-baked product.



This is where the worry starts setting in.




For the sake of keeping things official (I mean, someone could stumble across this in a Google search, right?), I've decided to write a formal review for Cuppa Cuppa Cuppa:

"This famed dish is something that initially feels right in your heart, but leaves much to be desired in the taste department. If I could use three words to describe Cuppa Cuppa Cuppa (in flavor), they would be: gummy, flat, and puke. It wasn't quite a cake. It wasn't quite pudding. And then, there was just a lot of random fruit floating around in there. There was a salty or buttery element that was missing which, if added, would have helped the flavor and texture a great deal. The point of this recipe seems to be for the sake of time-saving and having something to hand out to your girlfriends on index cards at craft parties, but it goes nothing beyond that. Yes, it's easy and fast to make, but it tastes terrible. Final grade: F."


I'm trying not to let this feel like Dolly Parton has personally let me down, but it kind of feels that way right now. I think I'm going to need some inner healing from this experience.




Needless to say, the rest of the triple C got put in the special filing cabinet where I put my offers for cell phones and insurance quotes (aka, the garbage).

Good things.

Sometimes you just have to make a list of what you like. Here are some blurbs of my current favorites:


Favorite book

A Girl Named Zippy by Haven Kimmel.


Favorite drink

Earl grey, hot. For best results, tea is enjoyed in this mug.


Favorite song

Mumford & Sons, "The Cave" (pause music at bottom of page...this live performance is TOPS).


Favorite monthly publication

"Real Simple".


Favorite webcomic

www.toothpastefordinner.com


Favorite blog
www.eurosatemydollars.com


Favorite food

Nutella.


Favorite TV show

30 Rock.

Lip scarves.

Guess what?




I actually love mustaches.

Not just for an ironic/I'm white/I only like this for comedy thing; I truly like them. I like the way they look on men and I think it increases one's handsome factor.


From smaller, thinner mustaches...



...to thicker, fuller mustaches.



I find them so masculine and dapper.











Mustaches took their place in Hollywood fashion early.






There are also products on the market to help those who cannot grow mustaches (or want a temporary one).




Even pooches can sport lip scarves.





Please know that I understand that not all mustaches are a good thing.




But, those are very rare.

Memoirs.

Here's a little ditty from my childhood...

...I'm going to set up all the facts for you, so you may be better prepared as a reader and understand the context. You're welcome.


Fact #1 - We were dirt poor growing up.
Fact #2 - My Mom has always had a desire to be a rural pioneer woman.
Fact #3 - Our family car, for a majority of my childhood, was a teal Geo Metro (more detailed physical description given in following text).

STOP


This is the best look-alike I could find.


Fact #4 - Often, growing up, we frequented livestock auctions as a form of "family entertainment".
Fact #5 - One time, my Mom bought a cow at an above mentioned auction.

STOP


This is a baby cow, similar to the one who is going to be the leading character in this story.



Now that you have the facts, let me tell you how this all went down.

It was just another night at at the barn/amphitheater/auction house, and the bidding wars were getting heated.

"$100!"

"$250!"

"$500!"

Huge bids were flying and prized animals were being sold to downright serious farmers. Plaid. Jeans. Ginormous belt buckles and hats. It was quite the scene.

A small group of calves came out to be auctioned later in the evening. The calf we ended up buying could be likened to the smallest, weakest child who was picked last for a game of dodgeball in an elementary school playground.

I can't recall where the actual bidding began, but I can remember what price it ended on.

"$7!"

Mom's hand was the only one up; she got gutsy and just went for it. All the farmers stepped down from the bid. The little runt calf would be no use to them, plus they could see the sparkle in Mom's eye.

"Sold!"

So, my Mom compulsively bought a $7 baby cow at a livestock auction that day.


We certainly weren't in a place to be making such a purchase (as far as where we would actually store the calf). We lived in a cul-de-sac in a little suburb of Southern Oregon, and there was NO WAY that thing would fit in the Geo Metro.

False.

Quick sidebar: our Geo Metro came equipped with luxury seating. The front passenger side seat somehow got broke, and had to always be in the reclined position. The headrest on the driver's seat also bent back like a limp noodle.



Next steps...

...we pushed the calf over to Mom's side of the Geo in the backseat so it had some space, and my brother sat behind me, so he got squished by me in the front reclined passenger seat.

We knew that if we could just make it home and then figure out some kind of makeshift living area for the cow, we'd be in business. We, unfortunately, only made it into the driveway of our house when the calf had an episode of explosive diarrhea in the backseat with my poor, frantic brother.

The calf was dehydrated and nervous, so we had to buy it a cow-version of Gatorade to help the situation out.


From there, the story is all a blur in my mind. I know that we eventually found an actual farm location to keep the little guy at, and we eventually gave the cow to my Grandpa for Father's Day. Nothing says "Happy Father's Day" more than an unwanted barnyard animal.


That's a tale I love sharing with people. So many funny things happen when you're forced to be creative in your ways of having fun.

Thanks for buying the $7 cow, Mom. The story shall always be told in all it's glory.

Unexpected.

I owed my mom a mother/daughter lunch date, so we decided today was the day to redeem the coupon.

I kept asking her, "Where do you want to go?" and she would respond with a mysterious, "You'll see."

We drove out the old country roads past our house and reached a fork. Taking a left would lead us out on a winery tour, and taking a right would push us further into the middle of nowhere.

We took a right.


After about 9 miles of beautiful scenic fall countryside rolling along beside us, we arrived in the town of Umpqua, a bustling metropolis that has one (1) post office and one (1) restraunt, and that's about it.

I was hesitant at first, but as we approached the "Lighthouse Bakery and Cafe", I found something I didn't think I would...an unexpected surprise.


The inside of the building was very cozy, featuring soothing earth tones, large wooden sitting chairs, and a fireplace. The people that worked there looked like they didn't belong in that town, and I loved that. It felt unfamiliar and new.


We looked around for a bit, then ordered and waited for our food...

...we were number 23.


Mom got a grilled cheese with onions, mushrooms and tomatoes. I got a 3 cheese veggie burger.

It's a meatless joint.




What I didn't take a photo of is the crescent almond cookie I ate BEFORE I got my lunch, because I'M AN ADULT AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.


They also featured a colorful variety of fresh produce and bulk organic foods.





A fun time was had by all...


...until the sun gets in your eyes, then you have to re-position.

Whoops.

Looks like I forgot about blogging for 6 months.


Don't be too sad. I'll give you a quick re-cap:

(I apologize for the odd sizing and shuffling of photos)











Wordless Wednesday.

Don't worry, I won't make a habit of themes that use alliteration.